Three Ways to Lose 220lb
by Freaya
Summary: Just a little anti-Raph fun. Three ways in which he could be written out. Each Chapter will stand alone. Originaly written for the Month of Mayhem over on L J


Title: Three ways so lose 220 lbs – Number One

Pairings: Mary/Raph, Mary/Marshall

Rating: PG-13

Spoilers: Anything S1 or 2. Clean of S3 spoilers.

Authors note: My Spanish is non-existent and as such any Spanish within is entirely Google generated. For larger parts of speech in Spanish which would have been grammatically butchered by a translator I have left them in English but italicized them. There is also another author's note at the bottom but I have put it there so as not to hint at the plot.

**Three ways to lose 220 lbs.**

**Number One**

It had started after Mary had been rushed to the hospital and was comatose, he could hardly tear himself out of the building and away from Mary's side except when Stan ordered him home to shower and change. Each time he fell asleep he was running down that hospital corridor hearing the EMT saying that her heart had stopped beating. At least if he was sleeping in a chair in her room the rhythmic sounds of the monitors assured him that she was still there and allowed him to get some rest, though the chairs were far from ideal.

When she had finally woken after three rounds of surgery Marshall had felt able to reduce his vigil from 20 hours a day, forcing himself to go to work for a few hours in the afternoon and sleep in a real bed at night. It didn't stop him having nightmares though and he still spent most of his spare hours at the hospital.

After two weeks Mary had left the ICU for a private room on a normal floor of the hospital, Stan had talked him back into the office full time. He still went every night, after her other visitors had left, charming the nurses into overlooking his presence. It hadn't been difficult, Mary was a lot easier on the staff when he was there to tame her. He had also smuggled her phone in when she left ICU so that they could stay in touch, Marshall sending her random snippets of trivia which came to mind through the day so she wouldn't get bored and be too hard on the nurses.

When his duties that day took him past the hospital (which between congestion, accidents, diversions and the occasional GPS malfunction it always seemed to); he would drop by for half an hour and give Mary some respite from her family. They were glad to see him there being supportive of his partner yet understanding that he, like Raph, had returned to their work with the improvement of Mary's condition.

What they didn't know that Marshall had his own private visiting hours and he was determined to keep it that way. After three days of Mary begging him to bring her something worth eating (and a few quiet words of advice from the doctor) he had taken to bringing dinner with him each evening, though he always had plenty to go around even after Mary had satisfied her appetite. On the nurses advice he had kept his meal selections light but nutritious, with chicken noodle soup from a local Jewish place which could tempt the dead to eat and worked his way up from there. Each night he would bring a DVD to watch on the laptop; without her family there they could talk openly about work and just enjoy each others company without the drama of the Shannon women and Raph's irritating mothering.

This had become impossible when; fours weeks after her shooting Mary's had finally driven the staff crazy enough that they discharged her and she returned home. With this Marshall had lost the one thing that was keeping him sane whilst forced to work solo. Every evening he would go to Mary's house, DVDs in hand to see how she was doing but it just wasn't the same. In the presence of Brandi, Jinx and especially Raph it was impossible for them to act normally. Or at least what could be considered normal for them. Whilst Brandi was pretty understanding of their close friendship Raph had become rather protective since Mary's return home, always sitting next to her and jumping to her aid; not giving her five minutes to simply talk with Marshall. Mary was trying to cut him some slack, given that she had been badly injured and hoping that it would wear off. Marshall was not so sure, there was a look of possessiveness to his eyes.

Yesterday they had taken the opportunity to slip outside to sit by the pool in the cool evening so they could talk about witnesses and work. It had taken only seven minutes for Raph to notice Mary's absence and come looking. He had joined them which effectively ended the conversation. He had never been Raph's biggest fan but he was starting to seriously dislike him.

* * *

This is how Marshall came to be sitting on Mary's couch on a Thursday evening arguing about who should have the last Oreo in the pack as they watched the film.

"I should have it, I am recovering from major surgery" Mary argued.

Marshall countered as ever with statistics. "As a man I require more calories than you, plus you have been sat on your ass watching TV so you need fewer. Consider that I am saving you from yourself."

It had had the intended effect. Mary stared at him amazed that he dared say such a thing before punching him firmly in the arm, despite the distance between their two chairs. He had intended to illicit her anger when he said it and merely laughed; the aim was good but it had certainly not been up to her usual strength, it had failed to leave a bruise. Reflexively he had struck back and had delivered a moderate retaliatory blow to the arm which had attacked him. Her arms had not been injured and were fair game if she hit him first.

Raph however did not agree and leaped from his seat to defend his fiancée. "How dare you hit her, you know she has just gotten out of hospital." He was fussing over the target arm which bore no evidence of injury. Mary was tolerating his attention by ignoring it whilst Marshall decided to enjoy the irritation he had caused his least favorite car salesman.

Mary's sanity was saved at the last moment by the ringing of the phone. Raph jumped up to answer, gesturing to Mary not to get up.

"Hello?"

Raph's face brightened as he quickly forgot his outrage and greeted the caller in his native language.

"Hola hermanita, Un momento" he lowered the phone addressing Mary, "I'll take this in the bedroom."

He padded off to the master bedroom and shut the door.

Marshall groaned. "Why the hell are you putting up with that?"

"Because it is easier to ignore it than to fight with him about it. I can't wait to go back to work, would you believe that I am actually looking forward to paperwork so long as it gets me out of this house." She sounded slightly defeated. "I mean paperwork for Christ's sake. And I wouldn't mind a good mud slinging match with Eleanor to let off some steam since I am not allowed to go to the gym.

He knew that being on forced leave would annoy Mary and that her family could be trying at the best of times but he hadn't realized quite how badly it was wearing her down.. Draining the last of his soda (between Jinx's tenuous sobriety and Mary's painkillers there was no beer to be had in the house, no matter how much easier it would make handling her family, for both of them.) Marshall excused himself to answer the call of nature intending to stay and enjoy what little time he would have with her whilst her fiancée was tied up on the phone with his sister before going home, it was getting late. Having toed his boots off some time ago he headed in the direction of the bathroom without making much noise, it wasn't intentional but as he neared the bathroom he could hear the rapid chatter of Spanish drifting down the hall. He knew he shouldn't eavesdrop but he was pretty pissed off with Raph so didn't really care at that moment. He entered the bathroom and proceeded to use the facilities whilst keeping one ear on the conversation.

Raph knew Mary spoke some Spanish, with a generous helping of curse words but she was far from fluent. What he didn't know is that Marshall was fluent. He found languages fascinating as they opened up so much of the culture of the people who spoke it. Also he had learnt it at high school and kept it up through college, speaking Spanish was very useful in law enforcement. Even more useful in law enforcement was speaking Spanish whilst looking like a complete gringo, he was amazed by what people said in front of him when they thought they couldn't be understood.

He continued to listen, he had already ascertained that the conversation was about Mary and the upcoming wedding but he was only hearing one side of the dialogue.

"_no I haven't asked her to quit yet......................... she has made it quite clear to me that if I do then I can cancel the wedding..............I have a plan though...........let her go back to work until after the wedding and then I will ask..............not so easy to cancel then.............and when she is pregnant it will be easy to get her to leave............I am certain of it"_

Marshall was stood in the bathroom clenching his fists and his teeth, he could feel the irritation rise to a boiling anger. Raph was trying to manipulate Mary, into the wedding and out of the service.

"_and anyway........if she divorces me then I will still have my green card"_

At this point he was about ready to explode into the bedroom and demand at gunpoint to know what the hell Raph thought he was up to; except his gun was in the car and that was more of a Mary way of dealing with things. He had to remain outwardly calm.

Stalking to the hall closet he grabbed a jacket and some light slip on shoes for Mary and returned to the lounge.

"How about Ice cream? I know a place with some great mint choc chip which will still be open"

Mary looked at him temporarily speechless but recognized the look on his face. It was the 'don't ask, just roll with it' look which they had both used to get out of sticky situations before, she just hadn't been expecting it at that moment.

Trusting him she slipped into the shoes and was putting on the jacket as they headed out of the front door. Marshall did not clarify his sudden desire for ice cream as they climbed into his truck and left before Raph could realize what had happened, distracted by his phone call.

The silence didn't end as they moved away from the house and joined the main streets. Marshall drove along quiet streets for twenty minutes before pulling into a small diner, picking the most concealed parking space he could find.

"Are you going to tell me why you drove twenty minutes to a all night diner which doesn't serve ice cream to get ice cream?" Mary knew something was seriously wrong in Marshall's world at this moment, she could see it on his face. It would take a lot for him to whisk her out of the house that quickly; late at night and dammit if she didn't want to know. "Preferably before Raph notices I'm gone and calls the police to tell them I have been abducted by my partner"

Marshall blew out the breath he had been holding and wiped his palms over his face, he did not want to be the bearer of this information but he had no choice.

"Raph left the door ajar when he took the phone to your bedroom" he started. "When I used the bathroom I could hear everything he was saying to his sister"

"And?"

"He's playing you, manipulating you. He knew you would be able to tell he was talking about you; even though you wouldn't know what about and would ask. That's why he took the call in the other room."

"What was he saying?" voice uncertain as to whether she wanted to hear the information coming,

"He said he wasn't asking you to quit your job because then you would not marry him"

"I made that clear to him just after I got out of the hospital"

"He is intending to ask you after the wedding, thinks he can convince you then."

Mary was stunned into silence.

Marshall continued, "Especially if he gets you pregnant". Looking out into the parking lot he felt spent, having told Mary what he had heard. He couldn't have kept it to himself another minute he was so furious that someone would try to manipulate his best friend.

Mary could only manage a whisper as the information sank in, "are you sure?" but deep down knowing that Marshall's language skills had never let them down before.

"Yeah" he paused. "I couldn't have kept it to myself, even if I thought you wouldn't want to know. I was just so angry" he pounded his hand on the steering wheel. For some reason this was bothering him more than it was her.

Mary reached over and put her hand on the wheel over his. "You had to tell me, you had no choice"

"You're not angry?" Marshall's voice questioning.

"I will be when it sinks in, it's a good job we're here, I might have shot him."

Marshall choked out a broken laugh, "When I heard him, I wanted to scream and yell at him at gun point but my weapon is in the glove box"

"Sounds like a pretty good plan to me" Mary smiled wryly.

He looked over at her and returned a weak smile. "Yeah"

Mary lifted Marshal hand down from it's tense position on the steering wheel giving his hand a gentle squeeze. "Now how about we go inside and have some pie?"

"Pie makes everything better." A statement they could both agree on, and he released her hand.

Walking into the diner and taking a booth at the back they were once again quiet, but not the oppressive silence that had been with them on the drive over. Marshall felt relieved of his burden though he was not yet sure how Mary would react when the full reality hit her.

Ordering coffees and the pie of the day Mary was the first to speak. "I am angry" she started. "Hell I feel like cutting his balls off with a rusty knife and feeding them to a tank of hungry piranha" her face expressing how much she would enjoy doing so.

Marshall smiled at the glimpse of the Mary he had been missing so much

"But I am also kinda relieved" she continued.

"How so" He was more than a little perplexed and it showed on his face; he had really expected a more explosive reaction to his revelation.

"Since I got out of the hospital I have been stuck in 'that' house with 'those' three and I don't think I have had an intelligent conversion in a week, I could actually feel my brain cells dying. At least when I was stuck in the hospital I could get a few hours peace in the evening with you, at home they won't leave me alone for five minutes."

The pie arrived and they each began to eat.

Marshall knew that Mary's 'house arrest' as she called it had been getting to her, just not how badly.

Mary continued to vent her frustration as they ate "all Raph wants to talk about is the wedding which sends the other two into a tulle frenzy and any mention of you or my return to work and he changes the subject. The other day he tried to encourage me in my physical therapy by saying it would help me stand up tall in my wedding dress. I just want to stand up straight to shoot straight and kick his ass for comments like that. They have been driving me crazy."

Putting down his fork as he had finished his pie he looked slightly hurt, why hadn't he seen how much her family was getting to her and intervene sooner.

She read his face like an open book "and don't start blaming yourself it isn't your fault....it's mine"

Now he was really confused, "and how is that Mary? I'm supposed to know this stuff without being told and back you up without being asked."

Mary felt a little guilty that he was blaming himself and he deserved an explanation.

"The whole almost dying thing, it has a pesky way of putting things into perspective, making you look at your life differently you know."

Marshall nodded, he understood, though he had not been so gravely wounded as her.

"When I woke up a few really big things fell into place and I knew I needed to make some changes, fix some things, but I guess I don't like to admit to a mistake. No-one does I suppose. I just knew that I had made a massive error in agreeing to marry Raph and every time the wedding was mentioned I just wanted to scream."

Marshall just let her continue, she had obviously been thinking long and hard about this and needed let it out.

"I just didn't know what to do about it. I knew I didn't want to get married but I couldn't see how to break the engagement, I knew that in any argument Jinx and Brandi would side with Raph and I would be the 'bad guy' and I didn't actually want to hurt him, at least not until half an hour ago"

"Why didn't you tell me this was on your mind?" he was still feeling guilt over the failure to see the tumult in his friends mind.

"And exactly when did I have the chance, I was chaperoned whenever you where there. This is the longest we have been alone in weeks, I can feel my IQ recovering. Maybe he suspected something"

Marshall couldn't help but smile at the veiled complement, Mary's vibrant character was shining though once again. "You know, Raph has been giving me the stink-eye"

She chuckled. "And one more thing." her voice lowering slightly "You aren't exactly an impartial third party when it comes to my love life"

"Your my friend, of course I am going to side with you" he began to contest slightly half-heartedly.

"You know what I mean Marshall. I'm may not have your sub-genius IQ but I am not a complete idiot."

Some part of Marshall's insides tied themselves into a knot. Whilst he had been fairly sure she knew his feelings went deeper than friendship, after all 'I love you' had slipped its way into his speech...in front of Stan and Eleanor no less. This was the first time she had acknowledged those feelings, and she hadn't run screaming for the hills. In fact, she didn't even seem to be conflicted over the information. He was left bewildered, like a goldfish out of water, unsure what to say. The crazy part of his brain wanted to jump up and down and shout 'Mary doesn't mind that I care about her' to all who would listen but the sensible majority knew that this was not 'the moment'. Not here, not now and not when she is technically still engaged to that jerk.

"Ow!" the exclamation the first thing that came into his mind as Mary kicked him under the table to break the silence and he reached down to rub the assaulted ankle.

"So you're okay Mare? I must say I was expecting to have more of a gun toting screaming banshee on my hands."

"You'd love to get your hands on me wouldn't you" Mary teased.

"Now, now, don't tempt me." Now he knew she did it on purpose to taunt him.

"I have spent the last two weeks trying to get everything untangled in my head. I knew the engagement was going to end, just not how. Then tonight everything just fell into place, actually it's a weight off my shoulders."

"What are you going to do next?" he inquired.

"Confront him I guess, tell him to leave in no uncertain terms. I've been looking for an excuse for the last month so I'm not letting this one go"

"Just tell me what you need". These words spoken now with perhaps more meaning than ever before.

"A ride home would be a good start" leaving anything more unsaid for now..

* * *

The journey home was quiet but not uncomfortably so, Mary using the time to work on a strategy to deal with Raph whilst preventing the other Shannon women from leaping to his assistance.

As Marshall's car approached the house Mary noticed that Raph's car was missing, could he really think he could find two marshals who specialize in hiding people on his own? He couldn't have called the police, they would have laughed at him and if he still had Stan's number then Marshall's phone would have rung.

Deciding to take full advantage of the situation the partners entered the house and Mary gathered her tribe for an important meeting.

Asking them not to interrupt whilst she broke down the events of the evening. Marshall only speaking to confirm the parts he was a witness to. Mary went on to explain that this was not a sudden decision but one which had merely reached its conclusion that night. Brandi was surprisingly mature in her understanding and acceptance of Mary's decision. Raph had become a friend but if he had less than honest motives then he was no friend of hers. Jinx naturally spread on the drama thickly and tried to make it about herself but she was outnumbered and eventually accepted the fact that Mary would not be marrying Raph and that he would be leaving.

Emotions were just starting to calm down when everyone heard a car pulling onto the drive.

"Squish, Mom, would you mind giving me a few minutes with Raph" Mary requested and the women quickly moved to one of the bedrooms, fully intending to listen to as much as possible.

"Do you want me to leave?" Marshall wanted to stay but understood if Mary needed to do this alone. He didn't think her weak but she was still recovering from her shooting and was not fit to take on a baseball player if he didn't like what he was being told. Even though Raph had not been home when they returned he had still taken his weapon from the car and placed it on his belt. The chances of needing it were slim but it held excellent deterrent properties.

"No, you may need to stand up for your secret language skills." She was glad for the backup. She hoped that she wouldn't need any but before tonight she wouldn't have believed that Raph was playing her. If he did try anything she was not yet fit to defend herself.

They heard the sound of the car door slamming quickly followed by Raph barreling through the front door.

"Querida, where have you been? Are you OK?"His voice full of concern at the sudden disappearance.

"I'm fine, we went out for ice cream, did I need your permission?"Mary was sitting on the sofa flicking through the TV guide; projecting an air of indifference. Marshall was making coffee in the kitchen and staying out of the way.

"I was so worried, why didn't you tell me you wanted ice cream." Raph was still calming down from his frantic searching and was playing nice, unaware of the impending bombshell.

"You were on the phone with one of your sisters, I didn't want to disturb you" she continued to leaf through the magazine though it was mostly to keep her from strangling her very soon to be ex-fiancée whilst she set him up for the big fall.

Raph sat down beside Mary and took her hand and she allowed it for the time being, waiting for the perfect moment to present itself.

"What's wrong, Mary? Something is bothering you, tell me so I can fix it."

"You're right Raph, there is something bothering me" Mary began, lulling Raph into a false sense of security.

"Tell me Querida" he added softly

If it weren't for the fact that she was going for a dramatic delivery she would have laughed so hard. That or reached for the nearest trash receptacle to hurl into. She could practically feel Marshall restraining himself from across the room.

"What is bothering me is that you think you can wait till after the wedding to demand I quit my job and not expect me to resent it"

Raph sat there like a deer in the headlights of an oncoming truck. Frozen in place, lips moving in failed attempts to form sentences.

Mary was finding it increasingly difficult to maintain her calm demeanor as her anger once again began to build; but this time she had a suitable target to unleash it upon and she had the element of surprise.

"OH, I wasn't supposed to tell. That was supposed to be secret wasn't it?"Her voice now was dripping with venomous sarcasm as she stood and began to pace slightly.

Raph remained frozen in his seat, a few dissociated syllables now escaping but failing to form words, either English or Spanish.

"How?" Mary guessed at Raph's most likely thought now that he knew he was done for.

"When you took that phone call in the bedroom earlier, you neglected to close the door properly. Anyone who used the bathroom could hear every word you were saying."

A few more garbled syllables found their way out but continued to fail in making sense.

"But you were speaking in Spanish?" Mary was beginning to enjoy Raph's reaction to her bombshell, he was rendered mute. He couldn't understand how Mary knew about his conversation.

"You know Raph, my Spanish skills may be limited to slang words for genitalia but you forgot to account for the walking encyclopedia that is Marshall." She pointed towards the kitchen and Marshall raised his hand in acknowledgment, not that Raph was looking.

"Of course you've never heard him speak Spanish so it never occurred to you that my gringo partner is fluent in conversational Spanish, along with a few other languages. It's a hobby of his apparently, he's very useful in Sushi restaurants."

"And it's very convenient when your fiancée is manipulating you by leaving it until after the wedding to demand that you leave the job you love. It's a little tougher to cancel the wedding after the wedding isn't it?" A statement of fact more than a question.

"And..."she looked over to Marshall. "What were his words again? I seem to have forgotten."

Marshall set down his coffee and quoted Raph's earlier conversation in Spanish

"He said and I quote" he proceeded in the original Spanish " _and when she is pregnant it will be easy to get her to leave............I am certain of it" _His fluent, clearly articulated Spanish destroying any counter argument that might be made about his translation skills and he resumed his coffee.

Mary picked up where Marshall had left off like a well rehearsed double-act.

"And the fact that you haven't even tried to deny anything I have said assures me that it is fact. That and the look of guilt on your face."

Mary stopped pacing and turned to face Raph. "Do have anything to say or are you just going to sit there like a kicked puppy."

Raph was looking at his feet. The realization dawning that there was no coming back from this one. That his only option was to scurry off with his tail between his legs and hope she didn't shoot him in the back as he left. He shook his head, eyes still firmly locked on his sneakers, the hurt he could hear in Mary's voice he didn't want to see on her face.

"No?, then listen" Mary started to go over the practical details in her head and began to reel out instructions.

"It's....."she looked at the clock on the wall "Friday now, you have the weekend to move your things. You can sleep here tonight if you need to, I won't be here."She looked over to Marshall seeking only confirmation, not permission. "When you are done leave your key with Brandi. I'm going to pack a bag, please wait in here till I leave."

With that Mary left the room to pack the essentials for the weekend, leaving Marshall and Raph alone.

The room was so silent, that a pin could have been heard dropping. Despite his rage earlier that evening, Marshall felt that Raph had been quite firmly put in his place, the confrontation had gone smoothly with now punches thrown only raised voices. He could have taken the opportunity to heap his own outrage onto the quiet man but wasn't going to agitate the situation just to make his own point.

Raph stood and walked slowly and in a nonthreatening manner towards the kitchen and the coffee maker, the strongest beverage in the house. He poured himself a mug and sat opposite Marshall at the counter.

He spoke low and in Spanish, knowing that Mary did not want to hear his reasoning or excuses tonight.

"_It was a mistake, I know. I just wanted her to be safe. I did the wrong thing for the right reason."_

Marshall responded, also in Spanish.

"_Mary is not a woman who likes to be told what to do"_

"_I know." Raph paused, "the shooting terrified me"_

"_Yeah me too."_ He shuddered slightly at the memory, recalling the phone call from Stan and the race to the hospital. He knew exactly how Raph had felt.

Raph looked up at the marshal hearing the tone of his voice, he was not a fool and he knew that he had some pretty strong feelings for Mary.

"_Take good care of her Marshall, promise me that." _They made eye contact briefly, an understanding that they both cared deeply. Marshall nodded.

Exhibiting perfect timing Mary entered the room and dropped her holdall onto the chair, slightly surprised to see both men at the table drinking coffee and conversing in Spanish. Both men looked up but it was Marshall she made eye contact with, communicating silently in that way that had always made Raph a little jealous.

Marshall stood and walked over, taking Marys holdall. "I'll wait in the car."

Mary nodded and Marshall left, giving her a moment alone.

She walked over to the counter where Raph was still nursing his drink. Despite the fact that she had known this moment would come sooner or later, some part of her still felt sorry that the relationship had not panned out. Before she was shot she had tried hard to bury the feeling that she was making a mistake, trying not to let the best chance for a somewhat normal in a long time to get away. After the shooting she began to realize that going ahead with the wedding would be wrong. To settle for a relationship which she knew did not make her happy just because it was safe wasn't fair to either of them. Or to Marshall; not only because he also had feelings for her but because it hurt him to see her come to work upset after yet another argument.

She gently placed down the small velvet box which contained the engagement ring and spoke.

"I'm sorry Raph." Accepting that blame did not fall entirely upon him, it was just not meant to be.

Turning she walked away, knowing that the next time she returned home he would be gone and that she would be alone again. 'No' she told herself, she wasn't alone. She had her best friend and if one thing had become clear to her in the weeks after her shooting it was how much his friendship meant to her.

Perhaps some day she would have the guts to have more than that. For now she had things in her life to straighten out before going down that road.

Mary got into the waiting car and sighed. "So what did you girls talk about whilst I was packing?" It hadn't escaped her that the conversation had been in Spanish.

"Oh you know, baseball, the weather." he responded.

Mary looked at him in a decidedly skeptical manner.

"I'll tell you later."And with those words he started the engine and drove away.

* * *

Also, my knowledge of US immigration law is scant so I reserve the right to temporarily suspend reality (or at least some of the fine print) for the purpose of my story.


End file.
